Assassin and the Gremlin
by ShelbyElizabeth
Summary: Weird little Jimmy/Ziva bit that I wrote for the NFA Boxed In, Take Two challenge.


"Jimmy, are you in here?"

"Oh hey Ziva, what's up? Did Dr. Mallard forget to bring you up the autopsy report? Or maybe he told me to do that…"

"No Jimmy, that is not why I am here; I was hoping that you would be alone. You see, I have this… problem."

"Oh, okay. What's the problem?"

"You see Jimmy, there is this man that I work with, and I find him quite attractive but I do not think that he has picked up on the hints that I have been giving. Either that or he does not find me as attractive as he is to me."

"That… that is a problem. Wouldn't it be better to talk to someone like Abby about this? It sounds like you need a girlfriend to talk to, so I don't think I'm the right person for this kind of thing."

"You are the perfect person to talk to. You see, sometimes it is like he does not even listen to what I say. I could drop all of the hints in the world and he would still not notice me. Well, he notices me, because it is part of his job to give me information, but I am sure that you understand what I mean. Is there something wrong with me?"

"No, there's nothing wrong with you. You're quite, um, pretty and… deadly, and sometimes a little scary, and guys like that in girls."

"You think I am scary?"

"Please don't look at me like that."

"Like what, Jimmy? I do not know what you are talking about."

"Oh God, are you going to kill me?"

"Silly Jimmy, why would I do that?"

"Because you're an assassin and that's what assassins do."

"I have no reason to kill you, except perhaps because you are extremely unobservant."

"Unobservant? What are you talking about?"

"Shh… Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"Someone is coming; quick, hide!"

"Hide where? I don't hear anything."

"Will you quit asking questions and just hide!"

…

"Ziva, I'm not sure this was the best idea; I'm claustrophobic."

"Just breathe, Jimmy, we only have to be in here until whoever is out there is gone."

"Why are we hiding anyway? It would be perfectly normal for either, or both, of us to be in autopsy."

"Maybe I just wanted to get you in a dark, enclosed space."

"Why would you want to do that?"

"You are cute when you are oblivious."

"But you can't see me…"

"You know what I mean. Now what shall we do to pass the time?"

"How do you know that whoever's out there didn't leave already?"

"Because we would have heard the doors slide open. Why do you keep asking so many questions?"

"Because that's what I do when I'm nervous. Why are you touching me?"

"It is a tight space, Jimmy."

"Um… you're kind of invading my personal space a little. Ziva, that is my shirt. I don't think that you should tug on it like that; the fabric might tear."

"What is wrong, Jimmy? Surely you are not afraid of me. I do not bite… much."

"Does this have anything to do with my being oblivious?"

"Perhaps you are not so unobservant after all."

"Can you… can you please not touch me like that? I'm having a hard enough time breathing. Oh God, what are we going to do if someone catches us like this?"

"Do not worry, I will explain everything; you will not need to say a word. Now stop talking and put those lips to better use."

"Ziva, are you sure that you don't have me confused with, like, McGee?"

"McGee is a good friend, and a good investigator, but I promise that I do not have an interest in him, at least, not like the one I have in you."

"This is kind of inappropriate, don't you think?"

"No."

"Ziva, we're in an autopsy drawer. There have been dead people in here, and you keep… touching me."

"I do not see your point."

"Oh I get it, this is a joke right? You're trying to get me all worked up, and once you do, then Tony's going to jump out and go 'Got you Palmer!'"

"Jimmy, I made a lot of plans for this and I do not appreciate you resisting me. Do you not find me attractive?"

"No, it's not that, you're very attractive, it's just… I… this is weird. I mean, we're not exactly in 'the same league,' as Tony would put it."

"Oh I see, you do not think that I am good enough for you."

"No! No way, that is [i]not[/i] what I meant. I meant that you're a beautiful assassin, and I'm… an Autopsy Gremlin, and Gremlins do not belong with beautiful women."

"Who says that Gremlins are not sexy? They obviously do not know what they are talking about. Now just close your eyes and relax…"

…

"Where is David? She's been missing for over an hour!"

"I don't know boss, she said something about going down to autopsy."

…

"Ooh Jimmy, that tickles."

"Really? Well then what about this?"

"Shh, did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"Someone just came in."

"Officer David, I know you're in there. I don't care how much Palmer is tickling you; we have a murder investigation to solve; so unless you want to explain to the victim's family how you were too busy fooling around in an autopsy drawer to solve their son's case and catch the sadistic bastard that killed him, and then be shipped back to Israel, I suggest that you get your ass upstairs."

"Oh, Jimmy, I am sorry. I completely forgot about the case! I will be back as soon as I can."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"I had better get up to the squad room before Gibbs kills me."

"Wait, Ziva, will you go out to dinner with me? Tonight? Like on a real date?"

"Of course, Jimmy. I would like nothing more."

…

"How about that? Assassin and the Gremlin…"


End file.
